staticgir04 (staticgir04) wrote,

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for a moment, he looked like a puppy that wanted to curl up and howl its pain away.....

i got that from this book i read like 2 years ago. for some reason it stayed with me. and now i think i can understand it. i was starting to feel the huge weight that was placed on me, and it was really heavy. but i got used to it and kept walking down that road of self discovery. and it seems bout a mile after this initial weight was placed on me, its fat cousin wants a lift towards god knows where. and the funny thing is, i can only blame myself for how and why its happening. i allowed myself to be used just so i could feel something. sad part is, is that that feeling never stayed for long and i had to go to farther extremes to gain what i thought i couldnt live without. like an addict the cravings consumed everything i touched. friendships, my family, school, and work; it didnt matter who or what was reaching out to me, i was consumed by this need to feel like i was whole. and one day i realized that i was only imagining that this feeling i got made me feel better. that instead of happiness, i i was really feeling pieces of me breaking off. so i made my own special twelve step program to cleanse myself of this addiction, and i thought i was pretty successful. and to a certain extent i was. i just couldn't excape unscathed. what i thought was one scar has now turned into two.

whewwww....enough of the depressed-introspective writing. it takes alot to write like that, lol. right now im stuck in my room with an awesome laptop because im sick. hmmmmm...good things do come from bad. cool beans, lol.
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